Addiction is real DAY 18
Jul 26, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPn9OZ52bEI

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night and so I'm checking in today for
the first time and it's you know kind of
already getting a little bit late in the
afternoon but we had a really slow
morning again it has been so hot that we
just have been just stuck we haven't
been able to really go and do much of
anything so we may use how it started to
kind of cool down a little bit so we're
gonna take the kids and go and do
something just to get out the house cuz
we're all going stir-crazy and then come
home and finish cleaning up for the
night and then I'll check in with you
guys but I definitely want you guys to
know that I'm thinking about you I have
been thinking about you guys all day and
I have a fun thing to talk about tonight
so I will see you guys a little bit
later it wasn't pretty much today was a
sit in the house and try not to die from
the heat kinda day thank goodness for
air conditioners like thank goodness
because if it wasn't for air conditioner
I don't know what I would be doing yes I
got a little hitchhiker right here hey
what you doing yo you got caught
sit down remember I say you could be in
here if you can sit down anyways but you
know we we just kind of I did some more
studying and just doing some research
and reading some more about my changes
that I'm going through and just learning
new techniques and tools and it's such
an amazing feeling to be filling up my
toolbox with so many things to turn to
when I'm having a struggle and so it's
really nice just to kind of sometimes
just have that time just that brick time
we all need from time to time and I've
never really taken time to study myself
and to really get to know me rather than
the a me that everybody knows of which
is fat Amy food addiction Amy compulsive
eater Amy I mean you know the list can
go on those are all the things that I
know about myself but I have never
really stopped to really researched my
true self and so that's what I've been
doing I'm really getting to know me for
me and truly learning to truly love me
for who I am and not for what everybody
believes that I am because I know that
people base opinions upon what they see
and sure that could be probably my fault
because people see a fat person they see
a lazy person they see an unhappy person
that's what they cease because that's
what I show but now that I'm changing my
views and changing my mental health and
really researching myself it's like no
I've got so many more colors to show
than just the one color people have
always seen and so it's been nice
honestly the last few days just to be
able to really dig into my book about
finding me and that I am no different
than any other person because just
because one has an addiction with drugs
or alcohol or pornography or you know
addiction of cheating and stealing and
there's so many so many addictions that
food is just another addiction it's not
anything particularly different they all
have their
seem their same friendships of each
other and it's all compulsive it's all
it's all control like those addictions
have such control over people and that's
what everybody has in common when they
are addicted to something and so you
know I was really reading into addiction
and the different types of addiction and
how to tell if you have an addiction and
somebody had popped up and it was that
Demi Lovato article about her relapsing
and overdosing on drugs and you know I
my heart sank it just it really did I
got really sad for her because how hard
can that be to one have such a big fan
base of people that you are having
follow like people follow her and look
up to her and follow you know her yeah
they're bunnies they really follow into
her footsteps and you know she promotes
she promotes the people really look up
to her and she's such a role model and
she was so excited for being clean for
six years like that is amazing and then
to relapse not only does she have this
the sincere sadness of letting herself
down but think of how much pressure she
holds on letting so many thousands and
millions of people don't I couldn't even
imagine I couldn't even imagine and I'm
so sad for her but I have so much high
hopes that she will get through this and
it is a knock down it really is but it's
not the end of the world you know she
can come right back up on it and so I
really am hoping that this is just a
learning experience for so many people
that are an addiction that we're all
gonna find those times that we may fall
short we might find those times that the
temptation takes over ourselves and we
fall into it but it doesn't mean that
just because we fall into the addiction
because of temptation that we have to
sink ourselves back into it we can still
float and swim to our destination no
matter what so for me speaking for
myself is that if I find myself at some
given time where I veer off and I start
allowing temptation to become a bigger
picture in my life I know what I need to
do to succeed enly get to my destination
and not dwindle in the temptation that
maybe took me over for a little bit but
I'm really hoping that I don't I don't
want to fall back into it I don't want
to live this life like I have in the
past
I am so already my mental health is
changing so much already I see such a
big difference just in where I think and
where my mind goes when scary things
come up you know when thoughts come up
about things that normally would give me
the worst anxiety now it's like I just
don't allow myself to get to that point
anymore I stop myself and I deal with it
but I'm trying to deal with it in
different ways rather than you know
running to the food and running and
searching for what is only gonna numb me
for a few minutes try and find that one
key thing that's gonna keep me on track
rather than allow that temptation to
take me over because it's just gonna
make me feel worse in the end so it's
kind of what I did today
and then like I was saying earlier we
didn't want to cook so we just went to
subway and got sub sandwiches and it was
okay I ended up having one serving of
potato chips which totally you know
we're fitting in my calorie count that's
the first time I've had potato chips in
eighteen seventeen days eighteen days
today is the 18th day
so I allowed myself one serving of
potato chips which was one 150 for one
serving and it was one ounce so and it
was a perfect amount like I was looking
at it when I went oli put it down next
to my sandwich cuz he was gathering
everybody's chips and stuff up and I
looked and I was like that's a normal
serving like but normally I would be
eating like half of the bag because
that's my normal serving but now it's
like Nana didn't know I mean we're not
doing that type of serving no more so I
but I enjoyed it I really did and it was
a great feeling to to be able to secrete
feeling to sit and be able to enjoy my
dinner with my family and again have a
very fun healthy dinner an experience
rather than be stressing because a six
inch isn't big enough for me and then
after that that was it we just gave
babies baths and I took a shower and I'm
getting ready because tomorrow morning
early early early 8:30 in the morning
early I am a doctor's appointment
I'm excited but I'm nervous because this
is my my weigh-in with him so cuz he
wants to see how I'm doing and so I'm
excited to share with him and show him
how much I've lost I'm so excited and so
I have that tomorrow and then we're
gonna start the fun reorganizing the
garage which is gonna be no fun but we
gotta start somewhere and the garage is
it so me and hubby sat down and made our
honey-do list of each other's things
that we want to get done around the
house that needs to start getting done
because like I told him we need to
utilize this time during the summer
because it's not raining we've got extra
hands because you know Jer
is home from school so he can help too
and we can all get in there and just gut
it and clean it and organize it and get
this house organized it's gonna be so
nice to get everything done I'm just I'm
so excited I'm so excited so that's
pretty much what we're gonna probably be
doing over the next few days is just
really demolishing and cleaning and
organizing and I will show you guys
because it's pretty amazing and it's
gonna take a merry old merry Merial it's
gonna take a miracle to see the ending
of the results but it's gonna be a nice
one and I can't wait Friday I'm supposed
to be getting in the big dresser with
the mirror so that will be coming in
here and that way I can start getting
some stuff done around in this room
because right now it is full of dressers
and our dressers dresser drawers because
I'm waiting for one of the dressers to
get delivered so yeah it's been crazy
but it's been good um today I did lots
of walking that was a really big thing
for me today I did lots of walking we
did not get my bike out here yet but
that is in the works but I'm still
walking and moving and getting myself up
and doing something every couple of
hours just so I'm not just sitting and
my biggest thing is just trying to keep
getting my Watterson that has just been
such that's probably been my biggest
challenge is just getting my water in
like I can go all day without drinking
anything like that's just I'm a camel
like I can drink and then I don't have
to drink again for quite some time and
it doesn't even faze me like it really
doesn't even bother me so that has been
a challenge but I'm trying my hardest to
to start working on that and then look
what came in the mail
if you guys can't see it is our shop
code which we have Shopko here in Salem
Morgan but it's all the back-to-school
stuff oh my god
I started getting stuff from the school
yesterday and then I got this in the
mail today and I'm thinking oh my god
like this is it we are on the stretch of
summer Indian school beginning so we
have school shopping now we've got to
start getting ready for I got online on
his school website and got the the
supplies list so we can start doing all
of that and getting all of that done and
out of the way we already have his
backpack we found it at Costco
last month they add him on sell and so
for because he had a Nike backpack
Jeremiah did he had a Nike backpack that
he use for two years and then finally I
was like okay I think we can let go of
that backpack and we'll get you
something new so we found last month at
Costco really nice backpacks for I want
to say like $15 and they are nice and so
I asked him I was like do you want that
or do you want another Nike he's like
mom I'll just take that it's fine so I
was like okay score so we went ahead and
got his backpack so he's got that but
now it's just getting schools clothes
and school supplies and that good stuff
and then we'll be done and then after
that then we've got the baby's winter
clothes we have to buy because they are
growing like weeds so all of their
winter clothes from last year none of
them fit so we get to go shopping for
them I feel like it's a non ending thing
with them in their clothes because it's
like every like it seems like every
season I'm buying clothes because
they're just growing and growing in some
things I can take from Omar and pass it
down to s Ron it would be acceptable
like this year he's got some Mickey
Mouse shirts that are cute that she
could wear with like some
capris or leggings you know those are
fine because they're just t-shirts but I
mean she's not gonna wear monster-truck
shirts and now and I ain't gonna put her
in them so we're just gonna probably go
to Carter's for them that's where we
shop usually for all their clothes
Carter's it's been pretty much the best
place for us to find clothes for them
especially because when Omar was born
his preemie so the only place that I
could find other than Walmart Walmart
did have a good selection of premios was
Carter's Carter's was the best place to
go for preemie so ever since then we've
just stuck with two Carter's and they've
got good deals that come up so that's
when we usually get their closes on
their cells so anyways that's what's
going on in our neck of the woods but
anyways um I will stop rambling here but
I will check in tomorrow morning before
I go to the doctors and then I will
check in with you guys after the doctors
and let you know what he says and then
we'll just go from there so again I hope
you guys have a wonderful rest of your
evening
and I will talk to you guys again
tomorrow bye
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